Reality vs. reality

If we saw with our eyes and took it at face value we might see Reality. However, our perspective and experience shape our reality.

These might seem like conflicting statements, however, they are two sides to a coin. Life is lived through our experience of existing and making choices about our actions. Our reality is largely shaped by our thoughts and our past experience of what’s possible.

I once had a close friend who’s parents fought a lot when she was young. Her parents would scream and yell at each other; they would throw plates. My friend was scared and the image of her mom and dad fighting was deeply impressed on her. She did not want to be in a relationship like that.

Later in life, she found out what the fights were about. As a child, she did not know what they were fighting about. Seemed like they might be angry about the dishes, that’s what was getting thrown around. Later she found out that her father had cheated on her mother while her mother was suffering from Cancer.

She fell in love with a caring man that supported her and they made a family. They bought a house and made it home. They had a daughter and a cute dog. Then tragedy struck and she was diagnosed with cancer.

She went through years of treatments and several surgeries with her loving husband and daughter by her side they made it through together, although frequently she felt alone.

But life moves on. Soon they had a son on the way. This was her chance to dig in and be there for her new child in a way that she could not be before. With their daughter, she was working and now with the new post-cancer perspective, she wanted to be a stay at home mom for a while.

Her husband supported her while she took years off from work to live life more fully and explore her ability to be a writer and raise their children, things were great for a while.

After a few years, life settled down into a routine. Cancer was a memory and it hardly seemed real anymore looking back. The baby grew into a toddler and the toddler grew into a kindergartner. Life slowed down and sped up at the same time.

Cancer treatment creates psychologically tough times. The patient has gone through an experience that’s not common and extremely scary and scaring. It’s changed them and they did not ask for that change. It’s made them keep their guard up, and it’s hard to let that guard down again.

Frequently keeping your guard up for a long time will lead to you feeling like a prisoner. A prison that you may not realize is of your own making can be difficult to leave. It’s a prison with only three walls. The prisoner is constantly looking for the door to get out, but there is no door in the three bared walls. There is no fourth wall, and they can leave at any time, but they can’t see that way and don’t know they are already free.


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One response to “Reality vs. reality”

  1. The story about your friend is fascinating. As I read it, I imagine what growing up in such a way might have done to that young impressionable mind. All children are huge learners. They seem to take in everything; better than people with some age on them, who can filter out from the actual stuff of life. The child could rationalize (with little experience in real life) why certain things happen. For example, in your story, she thought it was the dishes!

    But: “Later she found out that her father had cheated on her mother while her mother was suffering from cancer.” Is it possible that when she experienced the same treacherous disease – that the fear conjured up an imagined fear that “a husband always goes and cheats on a wife with cancer,” whether there was any evidence of that or not? Is it possible that this forced her to “keep her guard up?”

    Our world is full of examples of how fear, imagined or real, force people to take unwarranted steps. Today, a day before the vote, I heard the news that a huge amount of guns and ammunition have been sold in the last month or two – because people are afraid that other people will do irrational things after the vote. This trumped up fear (pun intended!) has been great for the gun lobby!

    Makes me want to paraphrase the last lines of TS Eliot’s greatest poem “Hollow Men” which ends: “This is the way their world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.” Let’s hope so.

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